


Who Needs Enemies

by Warp5Complex_Archivist



Category: Star Trek: Enterprise
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-26
Updated: 2006-03-25
Packaged: 2018-08-16 07:32:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 17,784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8093521
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Warp5Complex_Archivist/pseuds/Warp5Complex_Archivist
Summary: Coming-out story. (10/27/2002)





	1. Lyrics to "Who Needs Enemies" By Cooper Temple Clause

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Kylie Lee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Warp 5 Complex](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Warp_5_Complex), the software of which ceased to be maintained and created a security hazard. To make future maintenance and archive growth easier, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in August 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but I may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Warp 5 Complex collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/Warp5Complex).

### Who Needs Enemies

by Cooper Temple Clause

My oh my, I'm seeing the potential  
Lets just see what we can do  
First we'll take you down back to the meathouse  
And then you'll hold their hands again  
I know tricks that you could only dream of  
Looks like it's your lucky day  
A killer key change  
Is all you'll ever need

But who needs enemies  
When you've got friends?  
Now your hands are tied  
And who needs accidents  
When you've got me?  
Now I'm on your side

Now lets try and teach you how to mingle  
Then we'll teach you how to kill  
Lies will always be your best of best friends  
Never be alone again  
A killer key change  
Is all you'll ever need

But who needs enemies  
When you've got friends?  
Now your hands are tied  
And who needs accidents  
When you've got me?  
Now I'm on your side

All these animals  
That you call friends  
Now they're on their knees  
Man, you tricked 'em all  
You played the fool  
So damn easy to bleed

I made my name in function rooms  
And drifting through the walls  
Come on let me teach you boy  
Teach you 'bout it all

But who needs enemies  
When you've got friends?  
Now your hands are tied  
And who needs accidents  
When you've got me?  
Now I'm on your side

All these animals  
That you call friends  
Now they're on their knees  
Man, you tricked 'em all  
You played the fool  
So damn easy to...


	2. My Oh My, I'm Seeing The Potential

Malcolm sighed and put the PADD down. It was useless trying to work in these conditions. It was late in the evening and the mess hall was customarily quiet. In fact there was only one other person in the room. If it was any other crewmember he could have concentrated just fine. This wasn't just any crewmember however; this was Ensign Travis Mayweather, the object of his affections. 

Travis was sat across the room drinking and staring out of the window. Malcolm had tracked Travis out of the corner of his eye since the younger man had entered the room. It made it quite impossible to concentrate. 

Malcolm could still practically feel Travis' firm chest. It had only been that morning Malcolm had woken up in bed with Travis under him. In fact he had woken up this way for the past several mornings. Wrapped in warm arms with his head resting on Travis' chest, listening to the Ensign's steady heartbeat. 

He couldn't take it any more. He picked up the PADD and walked quickly over to Travis' table. The younger man looked up at him and smiled. Malcolm lent over so his lips brushed the Ensign's ear. 

"My quarters, now." 

Travis grinned, then stumbled to his feet and followed Malcolm through the halls. Malcolm didn't look back. He just wanted to get somewhere private as quickly as possible. 

As soon as they were both in his quarters and the door was safely closed and locked, Malcolm grabbed Travis' shoulders firmly and pushed him back against the wall, capturing he Ensign's mouth in a desperate kiss. 

Travis didn't even get a word in as Malcolm reached up and pulled the zipper down the front of Travis' uniform. Still kissing the Ensign passionately Malcolm pulled Travis away from the wall and pushed the uniform over his shoulders letting it fall to his hips. Travis reached a hand down to get rid of the uniform before Malcolm caught his arms, effectively trapping Travis back against the wall. 

He renewed his kissed, forcing his tongue into Travis' mouth. Travis faked resistance; he knew Malcolm like to get a little rough sometimes. Malcolm slipped his hand under Travis' shirt, taking a second to admire the firm muscles of the younger man's chest, then broke the kiss and yanked the shirt off. 

Flipping them around so Malcolm was now pressed against the wall, Travis lent forward to kiss Malcolm again but the older man pushed him back. Malcolm stripped quickly, throwing his uniform across the room. Travis took the opportunity to remove the rest of his own clothes. 

Before he could rise from the kneeling position he had fallen into so he could take his shoes off, Malcolm grabbed his shoulder and pulled him closer. Travis knew what to do. 

He started by lightly licking up the underside of Malcolm's hardness. Malcolm moaned. Travis repeated the action again, watching Malcolm's penis swell from the stimulation. Travis sat back a little to admire his lover but Malcolm didn't give him a chance. He reached out, grabbing the younger man's shoulders and pulling him closer again. 

Travis gentle blew on Malcolm's penis, causing the older man to shudder. He reached out and cupped Malcolm's balls. Malcolm's hands flew to the back to Travis head, trying to urge the Ensign on, but Travis had no intention of being rushed. 

He carried on fondling Malcolm's balls and began to put his lips to work, kissing all around the base of Malcolm's hardness. He kissed his way up Malcolm's length, then kissed the tip. Malcolm arched his, moaning again. Travis took the tip of Malcolm's penis into his mouth pushed the older man's hips back against the wall. 

Malcolm felt so damn good. It was hard to believe that merely weeks ago Travis had been a virgin. He had sucked someone off before but only a few times; the boy had a gift. Growing up on cargo ships didn't leave much room for sexual experimentation. Travis had told Malcolm he had been with a few people, guys and girls, in training but he'd never had a serious relationship. 

All coherent thought was lost to Malcolm as Travis took more of him into his mouth. It felt so good. Travis worked down slowly until he had Malcolm's entire length in his mouth, then he pulled away, releasing him completely from his mouth as a tease. 

Malcolm moaned at the loss of contact. He loved being in Travis' mouth, loved the warm wet feeling of Travis around him. Loved to look down and see this wonderful man sucking him of so excitedly, like he was the most important thing in the word. 

Travis pulled Malcolm into his mouth again. He began to bob his head a little, still fondling Malcolm's balls. This was all it took to push Malcolm over the edge. He came with a small cry into Travis' mouth. Travis drank down every last drop, not wanting to miss any of the precious liquid. It didn't taste wonderful or anything like that, but it was Malcolm. 

Malcolm's knees went weak and he dropped down to the floor. Travis wrapped his arms around his lover. Malcolm rested his head on the young man's chest. They just sat like this for a while. Travis tried to ignore his own erection. When he had been giving Malcolm a blowjob, it had been easy to concentrate on Malcolm's need and forget is own. 

Malcolm wasn't going to forget his lover though. He pulled back and looked down at Travis, he beautiful, hard, naked body and his beautiful, hard, naked cock standing free. He felt his erection begin to return just by looking at the younger man. 

"Bed, now," he ordered. Travis was only too happy to comply, practically running for the bed. Malcolm took a quick detour to the bathroom to retrieve the tube of lubricant they had left there that morning. 

"Do you want to go on top?" he asked Travis softly. Travis looked up at him. The younger man had yet to go top in their lovemaking. He was more than a little afraid he might unintentionally hurt Malcolm. Malcolm was the more experienced of the two and always seemed to take the top. 

"You don't have to," Malcolm told him softly. "I just thought maybe you wanted to?" 

"Maybe another time?" Travis said softly. Malcolm nodded, grinning, then rolled Travis over onto his front. 

Travis put a pillow under his hips and lay down slowly. Malcolm ran some of the lube onto his fingers, ready for the task to come. 

As he knelt behind Travis he realized how awkward he would feel doing sometime like this with the Captain or Commander Tucker. Not that both of them weren't stunning in their own ways, it was a rank issue. Having been brought up in a strictly military family, Malcolm had always been instilled with a healthy respect for rank. He just didn't think he would be able to go on top with a superior. Not like Travis. His beautiful Travis. 

He pushed one finger into his lover. Travis tensed a little then relaxed. The younger man was a lot looser than he had been when this relationship started, but he was still very tight. 

Malcolm moved his finger a little, loosening Travis, then added another. Travis moaned deeply and Malcolm grew more turned on at the sound. He lent over Travis and pulled the younger man round for a passionate kiss, all the while moving his fingers slowly, slipping in a third finger. 

"God Malcolm," Travis moaned. "Can't take much more. Please!" 

Malcolm didn't need to be told twice. He rubbed a generous amount of the lubricant over his waiting erection and then pressed his tip against Travis' ass. Travis moaned and tried to push back against Malcolm but Malcolm pushed him firmly back down into the mattress. Travis whimpered but Malcolm was determined to make his young lover wait. After all, Travis had made him wait for release, and he intended to return the favour. 

The plan was spoilt though when Travis turned and looked at him. One look at the younger man's eyes, so brimming over with need and lust, and Malcolm could deny him nothing. Rubbing a large blob of lubricant over his penis he slowly pushed his way in. 

"Yes," the Ensign moaned. Malcolm silently agreed, but he wasn't used to vocalizing his feelings so he remained silent. He pushed into Travis slowly but the younger man whimpered and thrust back against him. As Travis pushed Malcolm all the way in and the older man found himself buried in Travis' tight, hot asshole, Malcolm lost all control. 

He began to pump into Travis, faster and faster, rubbing over the young man's prostate. Travis rocked back against Malcolm's hips, wanting to push Malcolm further and further into him until he swallowed him up. Finally it grew too much for Travis. The younger man had less stamina than Malcolm and was already so aroused he came with a shudder. 

As Travis came he turned so Malcolm could watch. At the look of pure bliss that flickered across Travis' face and with the added stimulus of Travis' ass tightening around him, Malcolm came gasping his lover's name. He collapsed in a pile on Travis back, trying to catch his breath. 

They just laid together for a while, unwilling to move. Finally Malcolm rolled away from Travis. Travis turned over so he was lying on his back and could see Malcolm more clearly. The younger man was tired. He hated to admit to wanting to fall asleep after only one time but it was late and Malcolm had kept him awake for several nights now. Not that he was complaining... 

He felt his eyelids grow heavy. He wanted to talk to Malcolm, at the very least exchange pleasantries, but he was so exhausted. And now Malcolm's head was on his chest and he couldn't seem to stay awake. 

Resting on Travis chest, Malcolm dozed lightly. It was so comforting to lay there. Most of his sexual encounters had been brief, a quick tumble, then a jog back to his quarters. This wasn't like that though. What he had with Travis was different. He wasn't sure yet just how different but he was certainly prepared to hang in there and see.

* * *

Travis crept back into his quarters at 7:30 the next morning. He had already showered in Malcolm's quarters. One of the many advantages to being a senior officer was that Malcolm got his own shower and toilet. Travis normally had to share, just like he had to share a room. 

When he opened the door he was a little unhappy to find Glen sitting there on his bed. Glen looked up as Travis came in. "Where have you been ... for the 8th night running?" Glen teased, smiling. 

"Just about," Travis lied. Damn it, he was a bad liar. He could feel Glen staring at him. He shuffled across the room and began to pull clothes out of his closet. 

"It's a girl isn't it!" Glen exclaimed. Travis spun on his heels, totally shocked by Glen's outburst. 

"No..." he stuttered. "It... It's not..." 

"You make such an awful liar!" Glen told Travis, practically clapping his hands in joy. Travis just sighed. There was nothing he could do to fight it. Why would he want to? Let Glen think he had a girl. He didn't care. Malcolm wanted to keep them quiet anyway, so what better way to do that than to let people think he had a girlfriend. 

"Just make sure you don't wear her out," Glen chuckled, disappearing off to the bathroom. Travis sighed and collapsed on his own bed. It could have been worse.


	3. Let's Just See What We Can Do

Glen grabbed another slice of toast and showed it hastily into his mouth. Lauren watched him causally from across the table. They made an odd couple. Where Glen was Asian, tall, muscular with black hair and eyes, she was small and quite frankly, skinny with pale yellow hair and washy green eyes. Her skin was pale almost to the point of being white. Once she would have been considered beautiful but now her once supple body was sagging and her beauty was rapidly corroding to the sea of time. 

She sat nibbling on the piece of toast. For all her aged appearance, she was only 28. An Ensign in Engineering. Most of the men her own age on the ship never gave her a second glance, which suited her just fine. 

Glen finished his third slice of toast and washed it down with half a glass of milk. To look at them you wouldn't think they had anything in common. Glen, the muscular Armoury officer, and Lauren, the washed out Engineer. However, they had one very important thing in common. Ensign Travis Mayweather. 

If Glen knew this was the only reason Lauren hung around him, Lauren was quite certain he would put an end to their friendship. Understandably, Glen wasn't one to like being used, so she pretended to like the things he did. She pretended not to be interested in the delectable helmsman, so she could maintain her contact into Travis' personal life. 

Glen finished eating. He pushed the plate away. Lauren watched as he leaned back lazily, a thoughtful look in his eyes. 

"What's on your mind?" she asked. It might be Travis related. 

"I just found something out..." 

"Wanna share?" 

Glen lent forward conspiratorially. Lauren lent in, eager to know what Glen had to say. 

"It's about Travis," Glen started. Jackpot, Lauren yelled mentally. Just the God of the Helm she was hoping to hear about. 

"He's been staying out a lot lately," Glen continued, "not coming home until the morning and such... Well, I was in when he came home this morning and stopped to talk to him. He wouldn't say anything but when I asked if he had a girlfriend he pretty much confirmed it. Our little Travis has a girlfriend!" 

Lauren didn't know what to say. She was shocked. She felt nauseous. Travis was cheating on her? And before she even went out with him! She knew it sounded absurd but she felt so close to her obsession, as if he already belonged to her. 

Her train of thought was broken as the man himself entered. She tracked him across the room with her eyes, trying to trace where he was looking, trying to see which girl it could be. Travis didn't even glance around though. He headed straight for Lieutenant Reed's table. 

"Are you sure?" she asked skeptically. Glen sometimes tended to leap to conclusions Maybe this was one of those times. 

"I'm positive. Give me a few days and I'll tell you who to." 

Lauren nodded. A few days. That wasn't too long to wait. She still wanted to shake Glen and snap at him for only getting half the story but... 

Across the room Travis lent closer to Malcolm. He was just informing his lover of the morningâ€™s events, bringing a smile to the older man's face. 

"Don't worry about it," Malcolm said calmly. "Let them think what they want to think. We know the truth." 

Travis nodded. He knew the truth. He had the best partner in the universe. The last week had been so wonderful he didn't want it to end, but like all good things he just knew it would. Someone would find out, then he feared it would go the way of all Malcolm's other relationships. He had spent too many nights listening to tales of Malcolm's failed relationships. Malcolm had far too many failed relationships to talk about. Most of them with girls but he had been with his share of men too. 

Travis didn't want to be another failed relationship that Malcolm would tell to another lover someday. He wanted this to last. Not that he would say anything like that to Malcolm. A week was a very short time to start thinking of forever. 

"Can't I just tell him the truth?" Travis asked softly. He wanted to tell Glen about Malcolm. Wanted to hold his boyfriendâ€™s hand in public and not be ashamed of it. He didn't want to have to sneak about and pretend nothing had happened when all he really wanted to do was shout to the world that he loved Malcolm Reed. Then again, since he hadn't told Malcolm about that little fact yet, yelling it to the world might actually not be such a good idea. 

"Travis," Malcolm said softly. The younger man signed. They'd had this conversation before. Malcolm wanted to keep it quiet, he knew it. He was trying to respect his boyfriendâ€™s wishes, he really was, but it was so hard. 

Thankfully they were saved from getting into the argument again as Malcolm realized the time, politely excused himself and left for the Bridge. Travis followed him soon after. It would be a long day. He wished he was stationed at the back of the Bridge and Malcolm at the front. At least then he would have a nice view. 

~*~*~*~ 

By lunch the rumours were already all over the ship. Someone had overheard Glen telling Lauren and soon the whole ship knew Travis Mayweather had a girlfriend. The problem was no-one knew who. There had been a brief rumour about Crewman Launders from Engineering but she'd quickly put that to rest, just as every woman on the ship was also denying it. 

This was causing a lot of worry for one Ensign Travis Mayweather. He was certain someone would soon put two and two together and figure out he didn't have a girlfriend at all, he had a boyfriend. 

He decided to avoid the Mess Hall at lunch and instead had spent the time practicing his shot with Malcolm in the Armoury. Still they got no privacy, as another Ensign was there. He was frustrated and upset. And he had thought that morning's conversation had went well. 

By the time dinner came around Travis was starving. He had been planning to go straight to Malcolm's quarters but he was quickly realizing that wasn't an option. He waited on the Bridge until well after the shift change. He knew Malcolm was waiting with him; he could feel his loverâ€™s eyes on the back of his neck. If they all really knew it was Malcolm he was seeing, he could face the mess hall. He could take the silence and the hatred that might well be thrown their way, but he couldn't deal with all the questions about a girlfriend he didn't have. 

He couldn't understand how even in this day and age people could be so homophobic. He knew they could, he had been on the receiving end of someone's homophobia more than once when some of his casual partners had told their friends, but this relationship was so different, so special. He didn't want anyone to spoil it for them. 

Finally he decided he'd sat there long enough. He climbed slowly to his feet and made his way to the lift, Crewman Kimberly who was working the next shift taking over at helm. Malcolm joined him as they stepped into the lift. As soon as the door closed Malcolm turned to him. 

"This is really bothering you, isn't it?" he asked softly. Travis could only nod. Malcolm sighed and reached out, pulling Travis into a tight hug. 

"Why don't you talk to Glen, come up with something to tell him?" 

"I don't like lying." 

They stood there for a few quiet moments. 

"Are you coming to my quarters tonight?" Malcolm asked the question so quietly Travis almost didn't hear it at first. Travis pulled away and looked at his lover. Malcolm refused to meet the younger man's eyes. Travis hadn't realized his behaviour was affecting Malcolm, why should it be? Or was it. 

"Of course Malcolm," Travis said, smiling. "But you need to talk to me, tell me what's wrong..." 

"Nothingâ€™s-" Travis cut Malcolm off. 

"There's something up, and you're going to tell me. First though, I need to eat." Malcolm smiled softly at Travis and the younger man smiled back. 

"If you like, you can wait in my quarters and I'll being you some dinner, if you don't want to brave the mess hall." 

"You don't mind?" Travis asked quietly softly. 

"Of course not. I'm not the one who everyone thinks has a girlfriend." 

Travis lent his head on Malcolm's shoulder and pulled him close. They stayed that way until the lift pulled to a stop, then Travis stumbled out and Malcolm moved off to the mess hall. Travis went straight to Malcolm's quarters, letting himself in and collapsing onto the bed. 

He tried not to think until Malcolm arrived. He would have to do enough thinking then. 

He didn't have to wait long before his lover came back through the door with two covered plates. He had a small desk so he set the plates down on it. Travis moved over to look. Spaghetti bolognaise, and it looked great. They ate in silence until both plates were empty. 

"Now," Travis said, finishing of the last piece of pasta, "tell me what's wrong." 

"Nothing," Malcolm insisted with a genuine smile on his face, which then disappeared as he went on. "It's just thatâ€¦ I don't like to see you like this. Youâ€™re so happy normally, so when you're depressed, I get depressed. I've lost people because I don't want them to tell anyone about our relationship. You wonâ€™t leave me over this, will you?" 

The last words were so quiet and soft; Travis knew Malcolm was laying his heart open. He was so fragile. 

"Never," Travis whispered. They pulled each other close, Malcolm was holding back close to tears, not wanting Travis to see him so pulled to pieces. 

"I'd like to be open about us this though," Travis continued. "This isn't something we need to hide Malcolm... sure a few assholes may say stuff but we wonâ€™t let it get to us. I know we can do this." 

Malcolm signed. This conversation was getting old. Travis knew he was near to getting Malcolm to agree. 

"How about this," Malcolm conceded. "If anyone asks you can tell the truth but if they don't, you don't mention it to them. And when I say asks, I mean directly about me." 

"That sounds all right by me," Travis said, grinning. Malcolm pulled back to stare at his lovers face, then smiled himself. 

"You're so tense," Travis whispered. "Want some help?" 

"I can think of a few things that would loosen me up..." 

"I'll see what I can do," Travis said grinning, then pulled Malcolm in for a long kiss. 

Outside the paper thin walls, Lauren gasped. She had heard far too much. She had just been casually passing by, when she had heard her boy's sweet voice and couldn't help but listen in. He didn't have a girlfriend at all, he had a boyfriend. 

"Let's just see what we can do about that," she muttered, turning and walking down the hallway. "Letâ€™s just see..."


	4. First We'll Take You Down Back To The Meathouse

Lauren wasn't a vengeful person. A lesser woman in her position might feel the need to seek vengeance on Malcolm Reed for stealing her love but not she. She wasn't about to stoop to that level. There were plenty of ways to get her man without having to hurt Malcolm. 

To start with, she was the only one who knew. Maybe a little publicity was all she would need. She herself wasn't homophobic but she knew a lot of the guys on the ship were. It must be something to do with the military. Even in this day and age a lot of people still couldn't deal with anything different. She'd never understood that. It just seemed that at the moment she was a minority, which worked just fine for her. 

She wasn't a very cunning person. She had never had reason to try and plan anything before. She didn't even plan her days unless absolutely necessary. And she didn't really want to hurt Travis, but she had to help her poor boy see the truth.

* * *

Travis was feeling a lot better. Everyone was still guessing who he was dating but now Travis was secure in the knowledge that if anyone picked the right person he could stand up proudly and say yes. He had even felt well enough to go with Malcolm to the mess hall for breakfast. He would have thought with the amount of time he was spending with Malcolm, someone would have guessed already. 

Malcolm was talking to him, Travis wasn't listening. He wanted to do something. He wanted to reach out and take Malcolm's hand. To kiss Malcolm thoroughly on the lips. To do anything to show everyone his love for Malcolm. 

He wondered if he could trick Hoshi into asking if they were a couple. Probably wouldnâ€™t take much but Malcolm would know he had cheated and wouldn't be pleased. Travis just wished he could admit his relationship. He wasn't ashamed of it and he knew Malcolm wasn't either, the older man just wanted what he felt was best for them. 

Why couldn't Malcolm leave Travis to decide what was best for once? Sure Travis was younger and more inexperienced but he knew people, especially the way people got on long space voyages. And he knew that even if people were hostile at first, they would eventually grow to accept it. 

He greeted another crew member cheerily and silently prayed for them to ask. He was trying his best. He sat close to Malcolm and kept brushing against the older man. When they spoke Travis would lean over and whisper in his ear in a very intimate way. But most people didn't even consider the possibility. They were considered straight until proven gay. It was actually quite infuriating. 

He glanced around the room. Glen was sat across the room with some friends. Lauren, he knew her well, she was always hanging around his quarters. Sometimes he wondered if there wasn't something going on between those two. Peter, one of Glen's security friends. It seemed every guy on the security team but Malcolm was butch. Not that he minded. He loved Malcolm just the way he was and any of the idiots who had had problems with Malcolm at the beginning because he was so small had quickly changed their minds. 

Travis' attention was distracted again by thoughts of his lover. He watched Malcolm eat. His soft lips wrapping around the piece of toast. His jaw tensing. His throat moving as he swallowed. How Travis wished he could lean over and kiss those lips. Run his hands over the firm chest, then down, under the hem of the shirt and up again, teasing the nipples while deepening the kiss... 

"Travis," Malcolm exclaimed, distracting the young man from his previous train of thought. "Did you hear a single word I said?" 

"No," Travis admitted sheepishly. "I had more interesting things on my mind." 

They smiled at each other, eyes locking. Travis wanted to lean over and kiss his lover so badly. 

"Hey." 

Travis sighed as his attention was pulled away from more important things once again. Lauren stood there grinning at them. Malcolm smiled at her and Travis managed to smile at her to. 

"I hope I wasn't interrupting anything?" 

"Of course not," Malcolm assured her. She pulled up a chair without waiting to be asked. Travis moved slightly closer to Malcolm, brushing the back of his hand against his loverâ€™s. Malcolm didn't respond. 

"I just saw you here and thought I might talk with you," Lauren continued, grinning. Travis shifted visibly closer to Malcolm, hoping she would either leave or question them. Maybe she was just as oblivious as everyone else. 

"Look, there's something I wanted to talk to you about," she said after a moments silence. She fell quiet again and the two men sat watching her. Finally she drew a deep breath and said in a very loud voice "Are you two going out? You know, like boyfriends?" 

A lot of eyes were suddenly on them. There was murmuring as people speculated on the answer and the people too far away to hear were told what Lauren had asked. A sea of faces turned to look at them. Travis pulled himself up proudly and was about to respond. 

"No," Malcolm said, perfectly calmly as if it was blandly obvious. "Where would you get an idea like that? He has a girlfriend." 

Everyone seemed to accept this and turned back to their conversations. Lauren whispered something about being sorry and left. 

Travis couldn't take his eyes of Malcolm. Malcolm just sat there, calmly eating toast. He didn't even look up. 

He couldn't sit there anymore. Travis stood and practically ran from the mess hall. Head down, he went straight through the corridors to his quarters. Why hadn't Malcolm said yes? He had promised! He had promised Travis if they were asked directly, they would say yes. Travis had never thought of Malcolm as someone to go back on his word but now he wondered how much he really knew about Malcolm at all. 

He stumbled into his quarters and collapsed on the bed, his shift on the Bridge forgotten. Why had Malcolm said no? Was he ashamed? Was Travis not good enough for him? That couldn't be it. He knew Malcolm cared about him. 

But he'd said no. Why? Was it something Travis had done wrong? Maybe he had pushed Malcolm too hard. Maybe Malcolm was planning on leaving him soon and said no to save them both the embarrassment for nothing. But why? 

Travis couldn't stop the hot tears running down his cheek. If Malcolm had lied to him about saying yes what else had he lied about. For all he knew everything Malcolm said might be a lie. He just wanted to curl up and die. 

The door opened but Travis didn't look up. He didn't want to see Glen looking at him with pitying eyes or some random person from the mess hall, following him through morbid curiosity, or even worse, Malcolm. He couldn't deal with that. Not now. He never wanted to see Malcolm again. 

"Ensign?" 

It was the Captainâ€™s voice. Travis' eyes shot up to find Archer stood in the door. He tried to wipe the tears from his eyes but couldn't stop crying. When Archer saw Travis his expression softened. He came and sat down beside him. 

"What's going on?" Archer asked. Travis fought to keep his tears under control. Malcolm wouldn't want him to cry. Not that Malcolm mattered much anymore. 

"I'm sorry sir," Travis said, trying to get himself together. 

"You were late for your shift," Archer commented softly, probing for information. 

"I'm sorry sir, it wonâ€™t happen again." 

"Just tell me what's wrong Travis." 

Travis looked up sharply. Archer looked genuinely concerned. Travis suddenly wanted to confess to Archer. To confess everything. But he couldn't, Malcolm wouldn't talk to him again. But he didn't want Malcolm to talk to him again. It was all so confusing. 

"I swear, whatever you say won't go beyond this room." 

"It's Malcolm," Travis burst. "He said he'd say yes then he didn't and now I don't know what to do or where we stand or..." 

"Whoa!" The Captain interrupted. "Calm down for a second, your not making any sense." 

Travis threw his head back and took deep breaths. Had to stay calm. Had to relax. He couldn't afford to freak out. He had to stay calm. 

"Malcolm and I have been involved in a romantic relationship for a while now. I've wanted to tell people but he keeps telling me to wait a little longer and I didn't argue because I didn't want to upset him. Then when I got home one morning my roommate was in and he thought I had a girlfriend. He told everyone. I got upset and Malcolm promised me if anyone asked directly I could say yes, then in the mess hall someone asked and he immediately denied it. Why would he do that? Is he ashamed of me? Am I not good enough for him? Does he really care that much about what other people think?" 

Archer was quiet for a few moments, taking in everything Travis had said. For his part Travis tried desperately to fight back tears. He must have done something wrong, and now the Captain would know to. Now the captain would hate him to and no-one would talk to him and... 

"Travis, I understand youâ€™re upset. Take the day off; I'll make sure someone fills your post. Would you like me to send Malcolm down here to talk to you? I'm sure he has a reason for what he did... maybe if you just talk to him he can explain it." 

"Thank you sir, but I think I just want to be on my own now." 

"I understand. But remember Travis, you're not alone. There are a lot of people on this ship who care about you. If you need to talk, you know where my office is. If you need more time off just tell me." 

"Thank you sir," Travis whispered. Archer cast the young Ensign another glance then, realizing there was nothing more he could do, he left for the Bridge. Travis collapsed back onto his bed and back into his thoughts.

* * *

Lauren glanced up from her engineering console. She felt bad about what happened that morning. She had chickened out, she should have pushed it. But she still got the desired result. Travis ran out of the mess hall, close to tears and Malcolm sat there staring after him. Maybe it wasn't after the passionate break up she was hoping for but still... 

She had wanted to go and comfort Travis. She knew she had to get to him quickly if she was going to make any impact on him before he convinced himself that Malcolm was a good person again. She'd wanted to so badly. She was even quite sure her comfort would be accepted in Travis' current frame of mind but Glen had stopped her. He had told her Travis just needed time alone and that her shift was due to start in 10 minutes. She'd realized he was right, about the shift anyway. He was wrong about Travis. Travis needed her and she was going to prove it. 

But first she had to wait until her shift ended. She just had to wait and the waiting was driving her crazy. All this time her baby was probably sat alone crying about that stupid guy. Malcolm would never be right for Travis. Well, maybe, in some dimension where she had never been born. But she was here and Travis would be hers. 

She had to get to him while he was still hurt and impressionable. She knew that if she acted now she could make Travis realize what she had known all along, that Malcolm was no good for him. Malcolm was no good for anybody. He was just a big no-good blob! 

She tried to concentrate on her work but thoughts of her Travis kept her from focusing on the console. Her Travis needed her. Why was Commander Tucker to keep her Travis from getting what he needed? No-one, that was who. 

But soon it would be ok. She would convince Travis she was all he needed and they would have their happy ending, and she wouldn't have to worry about interfering Armoury officers any longer.


	5. And Then You'll Hold Their Hands Again

Jonathan Archer sighed and leaned back in his chair. He gazed at the image in the viewscreen. He could see the stars racing past them. It was a view that never ceased to thrill him. For centuries man had been trying to get to the stars, beginning with such rudimentary experiments at tying wings to their arms and jumping off piers. Sure enough, man had prevailed and first conquered his own sky, then built even faster and more powerful ships capable of going into space. With the invention of the warp drive a whole new frontier had opened up to them and now he was truly going where no human had gone before. 

Since he was a child he had been thrilled to learn about such things. He must have been the only child in high school who had looked forward to physics class. For as long as he could remember he had been fascinated by space. He would spend hours staring at the night sky if given a chance or, failing that, would sit in his dadâ€™s workshop looking over the models of ships on the shelves and imagining flying them through the stars, imagining looking through the viewscreen and seeing the stars wizz by. 

None of his fantasies had really prepared him for the real thing though. Captaining his fatherâ€™s ship was all young Johnny had ever wanted; he had never really realized how much it involved though. It wasn't just high adventure and daring fights, there was the simple day to day running of the ship. The relationships that were formed and broken every day, the trusts built and broken. The people who were really the engine of the ship and the reason they were out here at all. 

It was the relationship between his armoury officer and his helmsman that held the Captainâ€™s attention at the moment. He had been worrying since he had visited the young helmsman's quarters that morning and found him in tears. Whatever had happened it must have been very important to the Ensign. He wondered if Malcolm realized how important it was. 

Archer had been tempted more then once to speak to Malcolm, send him to talk to Travis. Since the armoury officer had stepped on the Bridge, he hadn't said a word other then to give reports when requested. He had been so much more open lately; Archer wondered if it had something to do with a certain young helmsman. Archer had promised Travis that he wouldn't say anything though, so he kept quiet. 

But Travis had seemed so damn miserable that morning. He wanted to do something. It was his job as Captain to make sure the ship was running smoothly and the people on it running smoothly too. He didn't like to think that Malcolm or Travis would let any break up interfere with their work to any great extent, but it had seemed to hit Travis hard. 

To hell with not talking to Malcolm. Travis obviously needed to talk to the older man and Archer was worried. Travis was the youngest member of the crew, only having been allowed on the mission because of his extensive experience on cargo ships. As such Archer felt responsible for him much more then any other crew member and he wanted things to work out for the young man. Being on a cargo ship was much different to being on Enterprise just because of the size of the crew. Travis had probably never really had a relationship, a sexual one anyway, before he got to Earth and Archer knew from speaking to Travis' associates at the academy the young man was quite withdrawn and hadn't had many relationships there either. Archer was going to do everything he could to make this one work for the Ensign. 

"Mr. Reed, can I speak to you in my ready room?" 

"Yes, Captain," Malcolm said, handing over the console and following the Captain down the steps into the relative privacy. He knew he shouldn't be doing stepping in. He should just stay out of his officerâ€™s personal lives, but he couldn't bring himself to do that. 

He sat down in his chair and gestured for the Lieutenant to take a seat. Malcolm watched him carefully. 

"What's going on between you and Travis?" 

Of all the things Malcolm had considered Archer saying, this was obviously not one of them. He looked quite shocked. 

"I hardly think it's any of your business sir!" the Lieutenant exclaimed. 

"Normally I'd be inclined to agree with you but in this case it's interfering with your performance and I need to know what's going on."

"I assure you sir, it's nothing." 

"I spoke to Travis this morning. He told me everything." 

"Everything?" 

"Everything."

He left Malcolm to absorb this for a moment. The Lieutenant chewed on his lip, then looked up to meets Archerâ€™s eyes. 

"He told me what happened in the mess hall. He's blaming himself Malcolm." 

"He shouldn't," Malcolm said automatically. "I don't know why it's such a big deal for him anyway. I don't understand why he needs for everyone to know." 

"It doesn't matter if you understand it," Archer told him softly. "It's important to him and if you really care about him then you should think about what he wants." 

Malcolm didn't respond. Archer gave him a moment to consider what had been said. 

"I think you should go talk to him. Your shift just ended, so you can go now. You need to talk to him; maybe if he explains you can understand why this means so much to him." 

Malcolm nodded and excused himself. Archer watched him go, then sat for a few moments, wondering if he'd done the right thing.

* * *

Travis lay on his back staring at the ceiling. He had spent most of the morning lying like this. It wasn't that the ceiling was suddenly interesting, or that it provided much of a distraction from his train of thoughts. It was just that staring at the ceiling was one of the few things he could do since he'd moved most of his stuff to Malcolm's quarters and hadn't dared to go get it. 

Travis had spent most of the morning alternating between hating Malcolm and hating himself. One of them had to be responsible for what had happened. He didn't know why he'd overreacted so much but Malcolm had lied to him and he couldn't deal. 

He briefly considered going to the mess hall for lunch but couldn't bring himself to take the suggestion seriously. He didn't want to run into Malcolm. He didn't know if he'd even be able to be in the same room as the other man without loosing control over himself. He wanted to know what was going through Malcolm's mind. Why he would take back the promise when he knew it meant so much. Maybe he didn't know how much it meant. Maybe that was the entire problem. 

Maybe he was expecting too much. It was a grand total of 7 nights since there relationship started. Maybe he was expecting too much when he thought Malcolm was going to publicly acknowledge their relationship like that. It was a very short period of time, but he had wanted Malcolm for so long and he never been able to say anything. 

They couldn't break up after just a week! After all the time they had spent wanting each other but not saying anything, their relationship had to last over a week. It just had to. 

He sighed and rolled onto his side, favouring a view of the wall to a view of the ceiling. He was surprised the Captain hadn't sent Malcolm down to talk to him by now. Not that he wanted to talk to Malcolm. He wanted to avoid that embarrassing conversation for as long as possible. 

The door chime sounded. Knowing his luck that would be Malcolm, here to explain his actions. Not that Travis hadn't tried to explain them to himself enough that morning. He stayed silent, hoping that Malcolm would just go away. 

The door opened. Travis tensed, eyes fixed on the wall. 

"I'm sorry," Malcolm said. Travis felt himself become even tenser. Even though he knew it was most likely to be Malcolm, a small part of him had hung onto the idea that it might not be... that he might get a little more time before having this conversation.

"Why did you do it?"

"I don't know." 

HE DIDN'T KNOW. He had broken his promise and he didn't know why. Travis sat up and glared at Malcolm. 

"You promised," he accused in a low voice. "You said if anyone asked directly you would say yes. Why didn't you?" 

"I did it for you!" 

"That's crap!" Travis exclaimed. "Did you ever think that maybe I know what's best for me. Maybe I know what I want! I want you. I want people to know. I don't care what they say. I don't care what anyone says!" 

"Well, maybe I do," Malcolm yelled. "Maybe I don't want you to leave me over this!" 

"Maybe I won't leave you over this. Did you even think of that? Maybe I want to be with you and I'm not going to let what people say bother me." 

"It's all right to say that now," Malcolm tried to explain, forcing his voice to lower, "But you haven't lived it. The stares and the looks on everybody's faces. The way no-one wants to touch you. Can you even imagine that? When you go to pat someone on the back and they move away, like you've got some disease they might catch. It's horrible Travis. I wanted to protect you from that but obviously I shouldn't have even tried." 

"Maybe you shouldn't have. Did you ever think I knew that stuff would happen? Did you ever think that I was willing to risk that for you?!" 

They stood there for a moment glaring at each other. 

"Will you say yes?" 

"No." 

"Then we have nothing more to discuss. Get out." 

"Travis... I..." 

"Out." 

Malcolm turned and walked out the door. He didn't look back. Travis felt all his energy drain away. Why did he have to do that? He wanted nothing more then to fall into Malcolm's arms and be held but he had to go and make a scene. Had to go and tell Malcolm to get out. Now Malcolm would never speak to him again and it was all his fault. 

He lay down again, facing the wall. He just wanted this day to end. He wanted it all to be over so he could go to sleep and rest for a while. He wanted to go get his stuff and settle back in. Maybe he could just pretend the last week had never happened... 

He was distracted from his thoughts by the door chime. It was probably someone for Glen. He didn't want to deal with Glen's friends right now. He just wanted to be alone. 

And with that thought the door opened. Why didn't he lock it? He didn't move, just waited. 

"I'm sorry," came a small voice from over his shoulder. He looked up in alarm to find Lauren staring down at him. He just stared at her for a second, trying to figure out what she was doing there and she fidgeted nervously. 

"If I'd thought you would get so upset about my question I wouldn't have asked." 

She thought it was her fault. He wasn't exactly close with her but she was one of Glen's best friends and he knew she was a nice girl. Maybe he should just tell her. He had to say something. 

"It wasn't you," he said softly. "You did nothing wrong. In fact I was just waiting for someone to ask that." 

"Then why did you run of?" she asked, a look of genuine confusion passing over her face. 

"It was Malcolm, he should have said yes," Travis whispered, looking glumly at the floor. He knew he shouldn't tell her but he couldn't exactly send her away thinking it was her fault, could he? She looked shocked. He wondered if Malcolm had been right about everyone hating them for it. 

"Have you spoken to him about it?" 

"It doesn't matter. As far as I'm concerned he said everything he needed to say in the mess hall." 

A silence settled over the room. He had shifted into a sitting position and lent his head on his knee. He could feel tears threatening but he wouldn't let them fall. He'd managed to stop crying earlier, he wasn't about to start again now. 

"Maybe you're better of without him..." Lauren started. 

"I don't think so," Travis interrupted. "I wanted him for so long but now...now I don't know what to do." 

To his surprise Lauren came over, sat on the side of the bed, and pulled him into her arms. He wanted to pull away, to tell her to get lost. He wanted to say he didn't need her sympathy. The only problem was he did need her sympathy. He needed it a lot. He allowed himself to relax into her soft embrace. 

"You're better then him anyway. What type of boyfriend is he if he doesn't want anyone to know about you?" 

Travis nodded. He'd thought of all this. It didn't matter what bad things he might think about Malcolm though, he still wanted the other man. And he still kept trying to convince himself it was his fault. 

"I mean, if he really cared about you, wouldn't he want to shout it to the world? Seems he should. But instead he wants to hide you from everyone. I mean, I work in Engineering and hang out with the security guys, so I know that the guys on this ship can be pretty homophobic, but you can handle it." 

People were really homophobic. He hadn't thought they would really have problems. He'd thought Malcolm was just letting past experiences influence him. Maybe he had misjudged Malcolm. 

"Who's he to say what you can and can't do."

"He was just trying to help," Travis protested weakly. 

"You don't need that kind of help. He was just patronizing you." 

"He never patronized me," Travis defended. "He just didn't want to see me get hurt. He just wanted to take care of me." 

The realization hit Travis the second the words were out of his mouth. Malcolm just wanted to take care of him. And maybe he hadn't fully explained to the older man why being honest about their relationship was so important. Maybe it was him who was in the wrong all the time. 

"Thanks Lauren," he exclaimed, hugging her. "I've got to go find Malcolm; I've got to go make things right." 

Travis rushed out of the room, already planning how he could apologize. Lauren stayed sitting on the bed, gazing out the door. 

"How did that go so horribly wrong?"


	6. I Know Tricks That You Can Only Dream Of

It had been a week. A WEEK. Travis had tried everything way he could think of to apologize to Malcolm but the older man wasn't having it. Travis really didn't know what to do. He was sorry about the things he had said and wished he could take them back but Malcolm didn't want to listen. 

This time Travis knew it was his fault he couldn't be with Malcolm. He refused to let there relationship go though. He didn't believe in love at first sight, but there had been something there from the first time he'd seen Malcolm. He liked to think of it as lust at first sight. After he was able to get to know Malcolm his feelings grew instead of fading away until thoughts of Malcolm occupied a good portion of his time. 

Travis understood perfectly why Malcolm didn't want to talk to him but it didn't mean he had to like it. He still thought Malcolm was wrong to go back on his promise but he could have found better ways to deal with it and Travis could have listened to his older, more experienced, lover. 

He sat on the bridge now. The viewscreen was displaying the star scape and he could see Malcolm at the tactical station reflected in the blackness. He told himself he couldn't be distracted by the image but he couldn't help himself. 

He had to win Malcolm back. He had to do something. Anything. 

Life was still a mess. People were still guessing about his girlfriend. He wanted to just turn around and yell at them that he wasn't in a relationship, he'd gone and fucked it up. Of course he had, he was an ass hole. 

He didn't shout though. Then he would have confirmed that he had been in a relationship and it would only perk their interest. You would have thought Starfleet's finest would have had something better to do with their time then gossip about him. 

He wondered what he could do to make Malcolm care about him again. No, he knew Malcolm still cared about him, he just needed the older man's forgiveness. He wished again that he could take it all back. Wished he could just make it all good again. He knew he couldn't though, knew things would never be right again. 

He wanted to do something, anything. He wondered, if he forced Malcolm into a public confrontation would it make the other man forgive him. He'd have to word it carefully so the people around them remained oblivious. Maybe Malcolm would get so scared that Travis would let something slip that he would take Travis somewhere private to talk and he could finally have a conversation with the other man. 

"Ensign Mayweather!"

* * *

Archer watched the Ensign focus on the console again, then give the Captain a sheepish glance. Travis' mind was wondering again. It concerned Archer just how often it seemed to happen lately. He would have to consider talking to the Ensign, maybe even relieving him of duty for a few days. 

His Armoury officer seemed to be suffering from exactly the opposite. Archer would visit the Armoury even in the middle of the night and find the other man there working. It was starting to show too in the shadows under Malcolm's eyes. 

He wondered if maybe it was his pushing them into talking to each other that had caused the trouble. He had to do it though, didn't he? It was his duty as Captain to make sure his crew was well. 

His crew wasnâ€™t well though. Not these two anyway. He really couldn't afford to have his Armoury officer and helmsman distracted. Anyone else, maybe, but not these two. They were the two members of the crew who needed to be really alert on a regular basis. Usually, they both knew their duties and concentrated on them through the day without having to be told. 

He knew they were both capable of doing their jobs, they were just distracted by each other. He wondered if forcing a second confrontation would help anything. They had to talk. Archer wouldn't exactly consider himself an expert on relationships but there had to be something he could do here. 

Neither of them deserved this. Neither of them deserved to be hurt. It was a fact of life that not every relationship worked out but he thought they could work through their differences. If for nothing else then for the fact that Malcolm didn't seem to have any other friends. Sure, there was Trip, but Archer took up a good bit of the Commanderâ€™s time himself. Being the Captain of the first Starfleet ship out this far was very stressful. Any time to relax was precious and the most relaxing was spending a little time in the company of his best friend. Hoshi was Malcolm's friend too, but she was also Travis' friend and Archer got the feeling she was a little torn between the two. Hoshi was one of the youngest crewmembers on the ship and he felt very responsible for her. He wanted her to be at ease, another reason to find a way to get Travis and Malcolm talking again. 

But really, who was he to force them. They were both big boys and he was sure they would work it through. If they didn't, then they werenâ€™t mature enough to be in a relationship to begin with. 

His comm panel beeped.

"Tucker to Cap'n Archer."

* * *

Trip grinned as he heard his friend answer the hail. He couldn't help but grin at the sound of Johnny Archerâ€™s voice, even if the reason he had contacted the Captain was very serious. 

"Cap'n, we may have a bit of a supply situation down here. We just used that last of our valve sealant. We can improvise for a while but unless we find some more soon we may be in a bit of trouble." 

"All right Trip," Archer replied. "I'll see what I can do." 

Trip closed the channel and turned his attention back to the console, or at least tried to. Something had been bothering Johnny lately. Trip couldn't exactly lay his finger on it but it was there. Johnny was worried about something. Trip had seen it all before. It was probably about a member of the crew. Quite possibly Lieutenant Reed and Ensign Mayweather. 

All the recent changes in Mal's attitude hadn't escaped Trip. The engineer may not get as much time to spend with the Lieutenant as he may like but he still had a general idea of the other man's moods. 

First he was extremely happy and would walk around with that blissful grin on his face. If Malcolm didn't know better he would had thought that Malcolm had a young lady visiting his quarters, but he did know better. Another of those secrets Malcolm had revealed while they were trapped on shuttlepod one. Malcolm had told Trip he was gay. Trip had been yelling at him once again, something about why all the damn messages were the same. Malcolm had blurted out that they were all the same because he didn't care about the girls; he only dated them for appearances. He was gay. 

Trip and Malcolm hadn't talked about that aspect of the experience. They didn't seem to talk about much of anything, they were both so busy. When they did get time together they preferred to spend it thinking about something a little lighter. 

But as it was, Trip didn't let the thought of Malcolm being gay disturb him. It would have once. He'd grown up with all the average stereotypes and his image of gays hadn't been very kind, until his best friend had come out in high school. After that Trip questioned everything. His best friend, Mark, had come out to dating a guy. Everyone had been talking behind his back and rudely teasing Mark. Mark had to stop taking gym because the other guys refused to get changed in the same room as him. But Mark was still the same guy he had been before, only happier. It changed a lot of Trip's ideas. When he'd moved away from home, Trip had lost contact with Mark. It had been ok. He'd made new friends, including Johnny. He still missed Mark sometimes though. 

He was pulled out of his memories when someone cleared their throat next to him. 

"Commander Tucker."

* * *

Lauren held out the data pad patiently. Trip grinned and accepted it. He glanced over it's contents then thanked her. She quickly moved off back to her console. She would be of duty any time now and she could get out of here finally. Not like she had anything else to do. 

She seemed to be spending all her time running over the one conversation in her mind. That one conversation with Travis. How had things gone so wrong? What could she had possibly said to get that outcome? She had wanted to break them up, not bring them back together. It hadn't gone her way though. Nothing ever did. 

But still, they didn't seem to be dating. That was a good sign. Her Travis always seemed so distraught when she saw him around. She just wanted to pull him into her arms and kiss him and make it all better. 

That wouldn't go over to well though. She had to wait until he realized Malcolm was right all along. Malcolm and Travis couldn't be together. He would, undoubtedly, fall apart. And she would be there to pick up the pieces. 

This had to go well for her. It wasn't like she wanted a lot of things out of life. She wanted to live. She wanted to have friends, maybe a small family. She wanted to be happy and she wanted to be normal. It wasn't so much to ask. She didn't want to be great. She didn't want to be popular or famous. She didn't want to be a hero. She just wanted to pass through live, making as few splashes as possible until the day it was all over. 

Things NEVER went her way though. It wasn't like she wanted to get into trouble, but trouble seemed to follow her around. There was little chance of her being declared a hero but a few unfortunate run-ins with some drugs of the illegal, mind altering kind had meant that her dream of staying in her small town home for her entire life, marrying and having kids, went to hell. Fortunately, before she slipped into the murk that was a lot of her life she had managed to get some qualifications. It was these and Starfleet's drug rehabilitation program that had landed her on the starship Enterprise and into the life of one Travis Mayweather. 

Maybe her life wasn't all that bad. It could be a lot worse. 

A quick glance at the clock on her console revealed that she was officially off duty now. She shut the work station down and headed for the mess hall. She would go through the motions. Eat lunch with Glen. Cast longing glances at Travis whenever no-one was looking. Everything would be the same... 

She hated it. She wanted it to change. She wanted to do something bold and exciting so Travis would notice her. But then people would talk. She didn't want that. 

Why couldn't things be simple? Why did life keep fucking her over so badly? Why her? Why not Glen? He lead a fucking charmed life. Why couldn't she be like that? 

She paused for a moment and thought about kicking the wall but decided better of it. That wouldn't make anything better. She just wanted a shot with Travis. Even if it didn't work out she wanted to be able to say she had been his girlfriend. And it would work out. They were meant for each other. 

Now all she had to do was get him to see that. It wasn't exactly that she wanted to hurt Malcolm. She didn't doubt that Malcolm loved Travis. Who wouldn't? She just knew she loved Travis more. She would do anything he asked for him. If only Malcolm could see her and Travis together, see how much happier Travis would be with her than with him, the Lieutenant would be happy for Travis. How could he not be? 

But then maybe she had judged him wrongly. Maybe he was so selfish he wouldn't see that Travis was better of with her and try to get Travis for himself. She just couldn't deal with that. 

She entered the mess hall and saw the object of her hatred sitting alone reading something. As she passed she nodded at him and smiled. 

"Lauren," he said by way of greeting.

* * *

Why? 

That was all Lieutenant Malcolm Reed had been able to think for the past week. Why wouldn't he say yes? Why couldn't Travis say it his way? Why couldn't he forgive Travis? Why? 

It wasn't as if like he didn't want to forgive Travis. It wasn't as if Travis hadn't asked for his forgiveness. It was just that they didn't see eye to eye one this, how could they ever continue a relationship? Surely trying to continue the relationship would only lead to more trouble and more fights. 

He knew Travis was sitting at one of the tables behind him. When Travis had entered the mess hall Malcolm had tracked him, watching his movements. He didn't like the way the younger man avoided making eye contact. Now Travis was somewhere behind him and he couldn't turn around or he would appear too obvious. 

Why was this all so complicated? Why couldn't it be simple? Not that anything ever was for him but... 

He wasn't getting into that now. He wasn't getting into self pity. There would be plenty of time for 'oh poor me, I messed up another relationship' when he was not in the middle of the mess hall. 

Finally he gave up and laid the report he had been trying to read down on the table. It was useless. Another afternoon ruined by thoughts of Travis and the things he could never have with the young helmsman. He sighed and gathered up the padd to leave. He may as well go to the gym and try to burn off some excess energy. Heaven knew it was the only way he got a chance to work off any energy now a days. 

As he stood he glanced back over his shoulder to Travis. The young man was taking quietly to Lauren. Leaning in a little too close for the Armoury officers liking. Brushing her ear with his lips. Making her giggle. 

Malcolm tensed. He couldn't stop looking at Travis. Couldn't stop staring. Then Travis slowly looked up to meet his gaze. They held each others eyes for a second then Travis lent over and planted a gently kiss on Lauren's lips.


	7. Looks Like It's Your Lucky Day

Malcolm couldn't move. He watched, frozen in place as Travis kissed Lauren for what seemed like forever but was, in reality, only a few seconds. He watched Travis pull away with a small satisfied smile on his face. 

What could he do? Why would Travis kiss her? What had happened? 

Maybe it wasn't because of him. That was an even scarier though. Maybe Travis kissing Lauren had nothing to do with him. He'd turned down Travis enough times over these past weeks that maybe, just maybe, Travis had finally taken him seriously and moved on. It couldn't be though. It just couldn't be. Travis wouldn't do something like that, would he? 

Malcolm had thought he was close to Travis. He had even thought they were in love. Travis couldn't move on so quickly. It wasn't right. And in the middle of the mess hall? In front of everyone? In front to him? Did Travis hate him? Or was he so easy to forget? 

Malcolm felt rage build up inside. He wanted nothing more then to stride over and punch Lauren in the face, only he couldn't. He wasnâ€™t ready to assault another fellow officer. Instead he settled for grabbing Travis and dragging the younger man out of the mess hall. 

As he pulled Travis through the door he got a few funny looks but he ignored them. Let people talk. He wanted to know what the hell was going on. 

He didn't stop walking until he got to his quarters and pulled Travis inside. 

"What was that all about?" both demanded at the same time. They stared at one another for a moment. 

"What do you mean?" Travis finally spat. "You're the one who pulled me half way through the ship." 

"YOU WERE KISSING HER," Malcolm yelled. He couldn't help himself. 

"So?"

"So?" 

"Why not?" Travis elaborated with a growl. "It's not like you're still interested. You're going to stop me from being with anyone now? That's just fucked up Malcolm. Now get lost, I'm busy." 

Malcolm's jaw dropped open. How could Travis say that? He hadn't really been that bad, had he? Had he really hurt Travis that much? Before he could respond, Travis left. Malcolm turned and punched the desk. 

This wasn't fair. All he could think about was Travis but Travis had been able to just walk away from him like that? Maybe it was a good thing that they'd broken up; Travis obviously didn't love him. 

In spite of himself he felt a tear running down his cheek. He loved Travis. How could this happen? Was he going to be lonely forever? Was he going to end up as an old man living alone in San Francisco, annoying all the young people around him with tales of his life which really meant nothing to him as he'd been alone through them all? 

He felt his knees grow weak and he sat down slowly on the side of his bed. He wouldn't be that old man. He didn't want to be that old man. But he was obviously incapable of having a relationship. He could never date one of his superior and Travis was the only junior crewman he found attractive. And even if rank hadn't been an issue, he could never be attracted to, say, Jonathan Archer. He loved Travis. He only wanted Travis. 

A rage swept over Malcolm and, unable to quell it, he found himself tearing his quarters apart. First he tore the sheets off the bed and ripped them, before he shoved everything off his desk. He shoved the desk over, emptied the drawers and wardrobe all over. He punched the wall and kicked the chair, all the time crying hysterically. Why did life never work out for him? Why did he always have to go and fuck it up? 

Finally, energy spent, he fell to his knees. He couldn't deal with it. Why did this always happen to him? Why couldn't he just let himself be happy?

* * *

Travis stormed out of Malcolm's quarters in a rage. He ran down the corridor, then did an almost complete circuit of the deck. Why did Malcolm keep doing this to them? Never mind Malcolm, why did he keep fucking things up? He didn't know what he'd been thinking when he'd kissed Lauren. When he went to the mess hall he had every intention of standing up on a table and declaring his undying love for Malcolm Reed. He'd got caught up with Lauren and Glen though and he'd seen Malcolm turn to leave. He knew he had to do something drastic to keep Malcolm in the mess hall. 

In hindsight kissing Lauren probably wasn't the best idea. Hindsight is always 20/20 though. The fact was he'd kissed Lauren. On the lips. Right in front of Malcolm. 

He loved Malcolm. 

He didn't love Lauren.

Why had he kissed Lauren instead of Malcolm? He didn't know. 

Why was he marching the corridor instead of apologizing to Malcolm? He didn't know. 

But he nearly couldn't move. He was so scared. What if Malcolm wasn't doing this all because of a silly argument? What if Malcolm really didn't love him? Sure Malcolm had seemed jealous when he'd pulled Travis out of the mess hall but maybe what Travis had said was just the thing to finally convince him it wasn't worth all the effort. 

Why had he said that anyway? Again, he had no idea. All he wanted was to go crawling back to Malcolm and maybe all could be forgiven. But Malcolm wouldn't want him. 

It wouldn't hurt to go sit outside Malcolm's quarters for a while though. Just to sit. Malcolm wouldn't come out. He was probably celebrating. He was probably already in bed. Travis could just sit there and think about how much better things could be if he wasn't such an ass, if they could just both talk. 

He walked slowly back to Malcolm's quarters. He didn't want to go there. He almost turned around but he forced himself to keep going. He had to go. Maybe Malcolm would come out and greet him and he could explain and everything would be ok. Maybe he would stay all night and Malcolm would stumble out in the morning and realize his sorry Travis was and take him back. Maybe none of that would happen; he just needed Malcolm close. Even if it he was on the other side of a closed door. 

As he neared Malcolm's quarters he heard some banging. Worried, he picked up his pace and rounded the corned to Malcolm's corridor to find several of the other crewman coming out of their rooms and staring at Malcolm's door. 

The noise stopped abruptly and the people in the corridor started to wonder. 

"Should we call Phlox?" one of them asked loudly. 

Travis stepped in. 

"I'm sure heâ€™s ok. I'll go check on him. He's fine." 

Most of the crew knew Travis and Malcolm were close friends, so they headed back to their own quarters. Once he was alone, Travis moved to open Malcolm's door. What had happened? Was Malcolm fine? 

He let himself straight in. He was too worried to wait for the doorbell. For a second he was taken back by the mess. Malcolm was normally so tidy, now everything was everywhere. He could barely move around with all the mess. 

It took him a moment to spot Malcolm, curled up in a small ball sobbing behind the desk. Travis grew nervous. He didn't really know what any of this was about. If Malcolm saw him it might only make it worse. He couldn't let that happen. 

But at the same time he couldn't leave Malcolm like this. He loved Malcolm. He crept slowly closer and reached out to lay a reassuring hand on his loves shoulder. 

Malcolm's head shot up. Travis flinched but didn't move away. 

"I'm sorry," Travis said. Malcolm didn't respond. He stared at Travis for a moment, then wrapped his arms around the young man and let the tears flow. 

Travis tensed for a second before he relaxed, allowing Reed to hold him. Then he hugged Malcolm back fiercely. He looked around for somewhere more comfortable to move but Malcolm had demolished the bed and the one chair. He resigned himself to the floor and settled down, stroking Malcolm's hair and whispering reassuringly. 

Finally Malcolm calmed down. He laid there in Travis' arms and the young man never wanted to let go. Slowly Malcolm stirred and reluctantly pulled away. 

"I'm sorry," Malcolm started. 

"Don't be," Travis told him firmly. "It's ok." Malcolm looked up at him appreciatively. 

"I think I love you," Malcolm said softly, averting his gaze. For a moment Travis couldn't speak. Did he just hear what he thought he heard? Did Malcolm love him? Was there hope for them yet? He wanted to think so. He wanted to pull Malcolm close and kiss him. 

So he did. 

The kiss was soft, almost like a their first kiss. It was slow and gently and so innocent. It said all the things that really needed to be said. 

"Why did you kiss her?" Malcolm asked. Travis took a deep breath. He had known this one was coming. 

"I really don't know." he whispered. "I didn't really think about it. I just did it and it felt right and natural, yet not. It was like kissing my sister. I didn't want to kiss her and I don't lover her. I love you." 

Malcolm sighed and nodded. He looked slowly around his quarters. They were torn to pieces. 

"What am I going to do about all this?" he asked softly. Travis smiled and kissed him. It seemed he would have to be the strong one again tonight. 

Travis rose and made his way over to the comm panel and opened a link to Glen. 

"I need a favour," he told his friend. "I'm going to need the quarters for myself tonight. Can you find somewhere else to sleep?"

"Sure," Glen said. The comm link was cut and Travis was very glad Glen wasn't the type to ask questions. He walked slowly back to Malcolm's side.

"Wash up and we'll go to my quarters," he whispered. Malcolm nodded slowly then allowed Travis to help him to his feet. They walked slowly to the bathroom and Travis found himself cleaning Malcolm's hands, which were bleeding from causing the destruction, and wiping the tears from Malcolmâ€™s face. 

He led Malcolm back to his quarters, which were blissfully empty. They stumbled over to the bed and collapsed. 

"Would you like to make love?" Malcolm asked him, softly and to the point. 

"Not tonight," Travis replied. "Let's just sleep. We'll deal with everything else tomorrow." 

Malcolm nodded and let his eyes fall shut. He was soon fast asleep. Travis lay there for a while watching Malcolm protectively. It wasn't often Malcolm relied on him and it hurt to see the other man so weak. He swore he wouldn't do anything to hurt Malcolm again.

* * *

Lauren collapsed in a heap on her bed. He'd kissed her. A soft, loving kiss on the lips. She didn't know how it had happened. One minute they were talking and the next those wonderful lips were pressed to hers. It was enough to make her melt. And maybe it was love for him too. She was happy at the very though. He loved her. He HAD to. She loved him so much. 

Maybe things were finally going her way. But she could see so many ways this could go wrong. She knew though, whatever happened, she would not let Malcolm Reed get in the way.


	8. A Killer Key Change Is All You'll Ever Need

Malcolm slowly woke up. His head was pounding and he still felt tired. He glanced around in a daze and realised he wasn't in his own quarters. It took him a few seconds to associate with clothing and personal items thrown around the room as Travis'. 

It took a few more seconds for the events of last night to come back. He'd broken down. Completely. He'd never lost control as badly as that before. Especially not in front of anyone. He wondered if Travis was ok, if they could be ok after this. 

Then he realised he was alone. Shit. 

He must have scared Travis of by breaking down. He should have expected something like this. Life had taught him time and time again that if you let someone in they tear you apart from the inside instead of just doing it from the outside. Everyone hurt you, it was how close you let them in that determined how badly. 

Travis probably didn't even mean to hurt him. Probably. He had kissed Lauren but this was in an entire other league. But still. It was essentially Malcolm's fault. 

He let himself fall back on the bed, throwing his arms over his head in defeat and fighting of tears. Then the door opened. 

Travis entered with a tray and Malcolm swore at himself for not seeing it coming. Damn clichÃ©s, of course Travis had just gone to get breakfast. Travis was beaming at him now but all he could manage was a small smile. 

"You ok?" Travis asked, the smile disappearing from his face. Malcolm wished very much that Travis would smile again. He loved that smile. 

"I'll be fine," Malcolm whispered. He forced himself to relax but Travis just stood their watching him. He finally opened his eyes again and looked up into Travis' chocolate brown ones. 

"I love you," Travis said. Loudly and clearly so there could be no mistaking it. Malcolm lay there for a second, trying to digest it. Travis loved him. 

"Then why did you kiss Lauren?" 

"Why didn't you say yes?" 

They fell into silence. Neither knew what to say. Malcolm sure as hell didn't. He didn't want to go into all that again. In truth all he wanted to do was reach out and pull Travis to him and never let go. He wanted to tell Travis he loved him, he wanted to tell everyone. He just didn't know how. 

"Let's jut agree we're both idiots," Travis said quietly. "And let's try and get on with our lives." 

"Works for me," Malcolm agreed, giving in and reaching forward to pull Travis into a hug. Travis reached round and held Malcolm tightly. It was all going to be ok. Neither of them could believe it was all going to be ok. 

Malcolm finally relaxed, held in Travis' strong arms. Why the hell had he given this up? He vowed then and there he would never give Travis up again for anything. 

"We should get up," Malcolm mumbled finally. "I need to be on duty soon and my quarters are a mess..." 

"Don't worry about it," Travis whispered, stroking Malcolm's back. "I've already been to see the Captain. We get the day of to sort out your room and...make up." 

"Aren't we efficient today?" 

"I try," Travis replied, grinning. He kinder liked being the responsible one now and again. It could be fun. 

For his part Malcolm was coming to a realisation. Travis could keep an eye out for himself. He didn't need someone constantly looking out for him, not that Malcolm could stop, but he should trust Travis when the younger man says he's taking it to far. 

Idiot. 

But it's all behind them now. They can get on with life again. 

Travis found himself being kissed again. He sighed and opened his mouth a little so Travis could deepen the kiss. Looked like Travis was taking over in the bedroom to. 

Malcolm relaxed as Travis began to rub his hands over Malcolm's back, calmingly. He reciprocated, feeling Travis relax into his arms. He could have happily stayed like that all day, kissing and touching. It seemed Travis had other ideas though. 

The younger man slid his arms around Malcolm and began to rub the bulge in his pants. Malcolm moaned softly. It felt damn good. Travis had very skilled hands. 

He reached out and pulled Travis' sweater of. Travis had pulled on a sweater and some loose jeans to go get breakfast and speak to the Captain apparently. Malcolm didn't care, he wouldn't be wearing anything for long. 

As soon as Travis' sweater was gone Malcolm began running his hands over the strong chest. You had to be healthy to get into Starfleet but Travis was so beyond what was required. Malcolm knew Travis liked to do a lot of physical things in his spare time, hiking, climbing. It was probably something to do with growing up in space and never seeing the outdoors but Travis had spent ages climbing and walking while attending the academy. He had dragged Malcolm along a few times, and the hikes were ok. He just wasn't much for climbing. 

Malcolm's thoughts were pulled back to the present as Travis unzipped his uniform and pulled it down. Malcolm quickly stood up to help and Travis stripped him naked, then proceeded to remove his own pants and underwear to. 

THen Travis was on him again, kissing and touching. Strong hands running over his chest and stomach and legs and back. Malcolm was pushed back onto the bed and he went willingly. 

Travis' mouth left Malcolm's, causing the older man to moan in protest, but a second later it found his left nipped and he felt the moan turning into a moan of pleasure. He threw his head back as Travis expertly nipped at his nipped and laved it with his tongue until it was hard, then he did the same to the other nipple. 

Malcolm quickly decided that letting Travis be in change was ok, but there was nothing like being on top yourself. He wrapped a leg around Travis, then rolled them over so he was on top. 

Travis tried to roll them again but there really wasn't room and they both ended up on the floor, that didn't stop there little power struggle though. Malcolm gained the top again and managed to pin Travis to stop him moving, he then kissed Travis firmly on the lips. 

He then did as Travis had done for him, tracing his way dow to the younger mans nipple and licking and nipping until it was hard. Travis pushed up against him but Malcolm pushed him back down. 

"Please Malcolm," Travis whispered. "Let me go on top." 

Malcolm couldn't resist Travis like that. He rolled onto back over onto his back. Travis pulled up grinning. 

"Don't worry Malcolm, I'll give you the time of your life..." 

Travis lowered his mouth and gently kissed the head of Malcolm's cock. Malcolm gasped the playful mood grew serious as Travis ran his tongue up malcolm's length. Malcolm moaned and thrust up. 

"Come on," Travis whispered. "This will be much easier on the bed." 

"Don't think I can move."

"Hurry up, get on the bed. I need you Malcolm. I want to be in you." Malcolm froze then looked into Malcolm's eyes and saw how serious Travis was. Travis had always been more then a little afraid of entering Malcolm. Afraid it would hurt. Afraid he would do something wrong. Malcolm had decided not to push. Travis was normally so outgoing, if there was this one thing that scared him it was best not to push it. 

Malcolm moved onto the bed quickly. Travis was determined, he knew that without even having to ask. Travis moved into the bedroom while he made himself comfortable. Laying on his stomach and placing a pillow under his hips to make it easier for Travis. 

Travis came back from the bathroom and knelt behind Malcolm on the bed. For a moment he didn't move. 

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Malcolm asked softly. Travis nodded. Malcolm reached round and took Travis' hand gently. There was so much uncertainty in the other mans eyes. It was one thing saying he was going to do this, it was quite another to actually do it. But once Travis decided to do something he would see it through. 

Malcolm relaxed, trusting himself completely to Travis. He knew the other man would never hurt him. Not intentionally or without just cause anyway... 

But they were past that. Now was what mattered. Now when he loved Travis and travis was gently easing one lubed up finger into him. 

He moaned and pushed himself back onto Travis. It had been a while since he'd had anything inside him and it felt so good. Travis moved the one finger for a moment, then added a second. Malcolm moaned and trust back, which made Travis smile. Malcolm hadn't felt this good in forever. Even thought he'd never pushed Travis to take him, he had wanted it so badly. 

Travis began to scissors his fingers slowly. It was very frustrating for MAlcolm. He wanted Travis in him so badly but at the same time he was aware he wasn't ready. He found his frustration was distracting him from Travis' hands and he tried to push it down but it was hard. 

Then a third finger was added and he couldn't help but concentrate on the physical. The wonderful feelings inside of him. The feeling of Travis loving him, opening him. Then the fingers were gone and his anticipation began to rise but nothing happened. 

He looked back over his shoulder and Travis was sat there, looking uncertain. 

"Please Travis," Malcolm whispered. "I need you in me. You wont hurt me, it'll be good." 

"Are you sure it wont hurt you?" 

Malcolm didn't reply with words. He reached round and grabbed Travis' hand. There eyes met for a moment then Travis lent over and kissed Malcolm, softly and lovingly.

THen he moved back slightly and positioned himself, not letting go of Malcolm's hand. It was a little awkward to get into the right position while still holding hands but they managed it. Malcolm relaxed back onto the bed and waited. 

Travis pushed into him, slowly and gently. MAlcolm moaned as he felt Travis enter him, making him so full. Travis pushed forward, exploring the feeling of being inside his lover, being surrounded and loved in the best possible way by the man under him. 

He started to move, slowly at first, and he felt himself beginning to be consumed by the feelings of desire. It felt so good, moving inside Malcolm. If he felt half this tight and wonderful it was no wonder Malcolm wanted sex so often, not that he was complaining. 

He began to slip over the edge, but he was vaguely aware that Malcolm wasn't close enough. He slipped him hand under Malcolm and gently rubbed the other mans cock. Malcolm gasped and thrust back and Travis lots his control, coming inside Malcolm. The older Man followed him soon after, covering the sheets with cum. 

THey just lay there for a while, basking in the afterglow. It felt so good for a while, then a little sticky and uncomfortable. Travis pulled back and moved over to lay next to Malcolm. THe other man rolled over and they kissed each other softly. 

"I love you," MAlcolm whispered, kissing Travis on the forehead. Travis smile and relaxed, then snuggled into Malcolm's side. A part of him was ware that he should get up and go sort out Malcolm's quarters, but a bigger part of here wanted to just curl up and sleep. He'd been to bust worrying last night to get any real sleep. 

Malcolm watched Travis drift of, then soon after he let himself follow. After all, after the emotional rolercoaster he'd been through that morning he deserved a bit more sleep.

* * *

Glen was absolutely desperate for a clean uniform and a shave. When Travis had asked for the room to himself, Glen had just left, not thinking to grab a clean uniform. He didn't care what girl Travis had in there. As much as he might deny it Glen knew Travis had to have a girl going on. 

He stepped into the quarters without knocking, grabbed his wash kit and a clean uniform and left again. 

"What do you know, looks like Travis doesn't have a girl after all."


	9. But Who Needs Enemies, When You've Got Friend

It was getting on into the afternoon by the time Malcolm's cabin started to take on even the slightest hint of order. The bed was fixed, as was all the other furniture, and all the personal items had been picked up off the floor, the salvageable ones placed on the desk, while the others had been thrown out. 

It was at this point that Malcolm and Travis decided to call it a night. Since they hadn't collected any replacement bedding, Travis had been in touch with Glen, and they could use Travis' room again that night. 

It had been a very tiring day, and as soon as they entered Travis' quarters, Malcolm collapsed back onto the bed. Travis smiled down at him, then leaned down and pressed a kiss to his lover's lips. 

"I'm just going to take a shower; I wont be long," Travis said. Malcolm nodded and closed his eyes as Travis left the room. It had certainly been a long few days. But things were back to normal now. Well, as normal as things ever got around Travis. Things did seem to always be changing when he stayed around Travis for very long. He just hoped that would stop now and they could be normal again. 

Not that change was always bad, it was just that Travis seemed to push for it. It wasn't enough that Malcolm loved him and he knew it, everyone else had to know it too. He supposed he would have to get used to it...but it didn't mean he would have to like it. 

He didn't see why Travis felt the need to tell everyone. He wasn't about to tell Travis that, but...It was stupid really. Some silly prejudice. But still...

Malcolm almost jumped out of his skin when the door slid open. He relaxed a small fraction when he saw it was Glen. He knew Glen would be the first person Travis told, so he didn't really have to hide. Glen was pretty much Travis' only close friend. 

It would be awful for Travis if this entire thing drove Glen away. Travis had talked about telling his roommate all afternoon. He kept saying it was excitement, but Malcolm knew it was nerves. He could read Travis well. But he did know that Travis was determined, and he would tell Glen on the first chance he got. 

"All right mate?" Glen asked. He didn't seem at all surprised to see Malcolm there, which Malcolm thought was a bit odd. 

"Yes, sure. I'm good. Sorry you're getting kicked out." 

"Don't mention it. Looks like I'm sleeping on Lauren's floor again. Just need to grab a shirt." 

"Doesn't Lauren mind you sleeping on her floor?" 

"Don't think so," Glen said, stopping for a second. Then he pulled open a drawer and grabbed a shirt. "She would have said something if she minded. And I certainly don't mind." 

"You...like her?" Malcolm asked. Glen caught the meaning and blushed slightly. Then he nodded. Malcolm smiled to himself. He should have known. 

"But she has a thing for loved Travis." 

"She does?" Malcolm exclaimed. What the hell went through her head when Travis kissed her? Well, they would just have to deal with that when the time came round. 

He wondered if he should tell Glen. That way, if the other man had an adverse reaction, Travis wouldn't have to see it and be hurt. But it was Travis' place to tell his friends. This was all getting very confusing. 

"So...how long have you and Travis been together?" 

Well, there goes the conflict. Had Travis already told Glen? Unlikely. As far as he knew Travis hadn't spoken to Glen properly since they had got back together. Oh well, it didn't really matter how he knew. What mattered was that he knew. 

"Not long," Malcolm replied, not wanting to lie. 

"Not long and you've already had a big fight?" 

Malcolm sighed. His thoughts exactly. But just because they had already had a fight didn't mean that they didn't love each other dearly. Malcolm knew he loved Travis more then anything. 

"We don't agree on some important points...like coming out," Malcolm admitted slowly. Glen nodded and grinned. 

"Travis is an open guy. He wants to shout it to the world, right?" 

"Right," Malcolm signed. "But I've had some bad experiences, and I know I can handle them, but I'm not sure he can." 

"You don't give him enough credit," Glen said sincerely. "He's a tough guy. He can handle it, as long as you stick with him." 

"Of course I will," Malcolm instantly replied. The very thought of his leaving Travis was so outlandish to him. He loved Travis with all his heart. 

"Good. I don't have to kill you then." They both laughed, but it was a nervous laugh. As much as the statement had been a joke, it had been a threat. Travis was a long way from anyone he knew, and even if they did go back to Earth soon, he wouldn't have anyone waiting for him. Travis was on his own, so apparently Glen had decided to take on the role of big brother. If Malcolm was to so much as think of hurting Travis, Glen would kill him. It was ok though, Malcolm would never intentionally hurt Travis. He loved Travis far too much. 

"Look," Glen said again. "I know Travis. Travis hates hiding anything. It makes him miserable. He's going to be even more upset thought if you don't stand with him on this." 

"I know," Malcolm sighed. "I'll always be there for him. Even if it means coming out." 

"That's the spirit," Glen cheered. He patted Malcolm on the back, then made his way out the door. 

Malcolm slumped lay his head back and sighed. Just what had he left himself into? He let his mind wander and came to the startling conclusion that he was hungry. He They could go down to the mess hall for dinner together. There was no time like the present to come out, before he backed out. 

Soon Travis came back in freshly showered and wearing clean clothes. As soon as he did, Malcolm jumped up. 

"Come on," he said, grabbing Travis' hand. "Let's go to the mess hall. I'm starved." 

"Are you sure?" 

"Yes," Malcolm said simply. He tightened his grip on Travis' hand. "Let's just go eat, like any couple. No standing on the table and singing about it, but no hiding either." 

Travis grinned and pulled Malcolm into a hug. Malcolm returned the embrace readily. This was what he wanted. To feel loved. He could handle the hatred of the rest of the ship as long as Travis still loved him.

* * *

Lauren stepped slowly into the mess hall. She had been walking around in a dream for a while now and didn't want to give anyone the chance to pull her out of it. Travis had kiss her. If she tried, she could still feel his lips on her. 

No one could take that away from her. She had spent a great deal of time alone trying to keep the feeling, but Glen had shown up and seen that she hadn't been eating and decided to drag her down to the mess hall. She didn't want to eat. Didn't want lunch or dinner. Just wanted Travis. 

But Glen has insisted. She knew he was just trying to be a good friend and look after her, but he could be very annoying at time. 

He dragged her over and grabbed some sandwiches for both of them, then they found a table in the corner. Lauren always like to sit in corners. You could see the whole room. She sat down and accepted the turkey sandwich and cup of tea from Glen. 

It was nice of him to go out of his way for her. If she was to be honest with herself, he was the best friend she had, and she would do anything for him. It wasn't often you got a friend like Glen, who would stick with you even when he knew the dark parts of your past no one else cared about. 

Glen was chattering on about something or other. She had automatically tuned him out like she did most of the time. She watched the crowd. It was quite late, so the mess hall was nearly deserted. Just a few people taking advantage of the quiet for some relaxation time. 

Then the door opened and in walked the object of her affection, holding Malcolm's hand. She watched in horror as the walked over to the food display, standing far too close together and laughing, and picked out some food. They then made their way over to a side table and sat down to eat, leaning over and whispering to each other. 

How could they be back together? Last thing she knew, they had hated each other. TRAVIS HAD KISS HER! How could he kiss her, then get back together with Malcolm? How could he hurt her like that? He obviously didn't care. Hell, it looked like he didn't even like her that much. 

She couldn't stand it, watching them ignore her. They were so focused on each other they hadn't even seen her and Glen sitting there. But she couldn't move. She could do nothing, but sit and watch. She felt a tear run down her cheek.

"Lauren..." Glen said, gently placing a hand on her shoulder. That broker her out of her daze, and she jumped up and ran from the mess hall, tears flowing freely down her face.

* * *

Glen didn't know what to do. His first instinct was to follow Lauren and comfort her, but right now that might not be the best idea. She was hurting. He had when he had seen Travis kiss Lauren. 

That had been a damn insensitive thing to do, but in some way Glen understood. Or maybe he just wanted to think that he did. Either way, he wasn't really mad at Travis. Especially since Travis didn't know he liked Lauren, and Travis now had Malcolm back. 

He knew he should give Lauren time, but he couldn't. He wanted to help her so badly. And he knew she needed someone. It would do her no good to keep it locked away. Just as he was about to move, Travis appeared. 

"Is she ok? 

"I don't know, I was just going to go and check." 

"She seemed pretty upset. Do you know why?" 

"Think it could be you and Malcolm." 

"Why would that upset her? She helped get us back together." 

"Let's just say that probably wasn't her intention. See ya, Travis." 

With that, Glen got up and hurried out after Lauren. She had a good start on him, so she got home long before he'd even left the mess hall. He sounded the chime on her door, but she didn't answer. 

"Let me in Lauren," Glen demanded. "You need to talk to someone." 

Nothing. He could hear her sobbing through the door, telling him she was in there. But she wouldn't open the door. 

"I'll sit out here all night if I have to Lauren. You ARE going to talk to me." 

With that, he settled down onto the floor. He sat there for a good hour, mind set on talking to Lauren. She was upset and he wanted to comfort her. He wanted to show her there were more options out there then Travis. 

Finally she opened the door. He got up and walked in before she could change her mind, and he pulled her into a hug. She leaned into him and cried. After a while, she moved away slightly and looked up at him. 

"How could Travis do that?" she asked. "He made me hope, then threw it in my face." 

"He doesn't know how you feel," Glen admitted. "He's too in love with Malcolm to see anything else." 

"If I could just get rid of Malcolm," Lauren wailed. "If Malcolm would go away, then Travis would love me. I just wish Malcolm would die." 

"No you don't," Glen whispered. "Not really. You know that if anything happened to Malcolm, Travis would be devastated. They love each other, Lauren. Nothing anyone does will change that. 

"There has to be something," she insisted, moving away from Glen. "I won't give up. I can make them fight. Make them hate each other. And Travis will need someone. I can be that someone." 

"Lauren," Glen said slowly, reaching out and taking hold of her shoulders. He pulled her around and looked her in the eye. "I get the feeling that nothing you can do will make Travis love you." 

Lauren dissolved into tears again, and Glen pulled her close. It felt so good to hold her like this. She fit against him so well. Her head rested on his chest, she was so small but it felt like she belonged there. Maybe it was just his imagination acting up, but he really believed she belonged with him. 

"I love you, Lauren," he whispered. He knew it was inappropriate timing. But he had to say it. "I love you so much." 

She sniffed, then pulled back enough to see him. 

"You're my best friend, Glen," she whispered. "But Travis. He's so gorgeous; I could have been so happy with him." 

"Why can't you be happy with me?" 

"I don't know," she whispered. "I do love you. But you know so much about me..."

"And I still love you." 

"But we want different things out of life..." 

"I want whatever you want." 

"I want a family and a house and a dog and kids and a normal life." 

"Why can't we have a normal life?" 

Lauren was silent. She leaned against Glen, needing his support. She thought it all through very carefully. Finally she spoke again. 

"Understand, right now I don't love you as much as I love Travis. That might change with time but right now that's how it is. I will be with you, though. And in time, I might love you, as well as Travis. I know your already very special to me." 

"Thank you," Glen whispered, then he kissed her softly on the lips.

* * *

Travis let out a deep sigh. He didn't understand how he could remember to bring everything up to Malcolm's quarters, but his razor. He was badly in need of a shave. 

When they had been decorating Malcolm's quarters, Travis had decided it was a bit bare. He'd moved up some of his things to liven it up. Now, a month later, he had all but moved in. He still occasionally slept in his own room, and some stuff was still there, like the razor (he preferred Malcolm's), but mostly he lived with his lover. 

Arriving at his quarters, he keyed in the code and the door opened. He stopped dead as he saw Lauren and Glen lying tangled up in sheets. Then, a smile crept over his face and he backed slowly out of the door. Looked like her would just have to use Malcolm's razor again.


End file.
